Thinking Strange Thoughts - You're It

A lot of people have said to me “Buy bulk Steve, you may get a hernia carrying the extra weight, but you will save money in the long run” Well I’m afraid that I just cannot do it. Take for example if I buy one of those big eighteen roll, packs of toilet paper, I stagger into the house with it, put one roll on the toilet roll holder and store the other seventeen rolls in the cupboard. I then step outside and get crushed to a pulp by a huge passing truck. The point is I don’t think I could live with myself knowing that I had died leaving seventeen unopened rolls of toilet paper in the cupboard. You may call me eccentric, though obviously in a young, gorgeous sort of way, but that’s just the kind of guy I am.

Anyway, none of that is important; the main thing I wish to talk about this month is how worried I am about young people. You never seem to see them playing in the street anymore and I think the main reason for this is that they always have their heads stuck in a screen of some sort. If it’s not TV, then it’s a computer, or a game boy or a mobile phone. I think a hundred years from now the world will just be full of little; pale, nerdy looking kids wearing big, thick glasses and they will have lost the use of their legs because they rarely stand up. Another few hundred years after this and things will have evolved even further, children will be born without legs but with a little office chair already attached, you will pass a young mother in the street and say “He’s got lovely hair and I like his chrome legs and little rubber wheels” It’s a shame cause they will miss out on the joy of playing simple games and using their imagination.

Of course when I was young things were very different, I recall one time when things were tough, all I got for my birthday was a house brick and a piece of string, but was I unhappy, well yes actually cause I’d asked for a nurse’s outfit and a Davy Crocket hat, but the point is I still had fun cause I used my imagination. I tied my string to my brick and dragged it around with me, in my imagination it became the dog I had never had. Rusty went every where with me, I had him for years, until unfortunately one day I accidentally dropped him off the roof. Rusty broke in half and had to be put down. It was probably for the best really cause by this time I was twenty five and just about to move into a flat where pets were not allowed.

Anyway, the reason I mentioned all this is because the other day, I happened to glance out of the window and was delighted to see a group of young children playing the old “You're It” game. You know the one where you would tap a kid on the shoulder and say "You're It” and they would remain “It” until they tapped someone else on the shoulder and passed ’It” on. Mind you, even though it was a pleasure to see them playing, it did bring back some painful memories, because, and I know this is difficult to believe, I was quite slow and uncoordinated at school, so when I was ‘It”, I could never catch anyone to pass ‘It” on. In fact, the last time I was ‘It”, I remained “It” until my early thirties when I managed to pass “It” on to an old World War One veteran who was collecting money in the street. Even then he was nearly able to catch me and pass “It” back, but I managed to avoid him by climbing up a large tree and waiting until he went away, which he eventually did, probably because he couldn’t get up the tree in his wheelchair. The last time I saw him he was chasing an elderly lady down the street.

Of course, nowadays if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said “Your're It” I would just tell them to get lost, but when you are young you feel obligated to get all stressed out about it.

Incidentally, a bit of advice for shoppers, it is always wise to check the use-by date when buying food. I was recently buying a packet of biscuits and could find no use-by date but I noticed on the back of the packet was written “Send two wrappers, plus 5 cents and you will receive a free Bay City Rollers scarf., call me overly suspicious but I decided to shop elsewhere.

Steve...must run there's a guy in a wheelchair heading this way.

 

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